I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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