Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
i've created a new STD.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
