Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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