we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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