You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
What drink are we having for lunch?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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