It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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