He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Found your dick twin last night
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
