You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
