oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
