Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Randomize
