Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
