the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
