can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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