Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize