fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
