you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Randomize
