speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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