I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I wish they made helmets for livers.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize