i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
