Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
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