So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
