Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
