I must be too annoying 4 u.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize