News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
