The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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