haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
