pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
