i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Randomize
