singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I wish i was in the wii world.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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