Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
