I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
