My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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