My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day đđ#pensacolaproblems
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I know youâre not my dad, but youâre someone dad. And youâre also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Fatherâs Day
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