I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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