The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
