I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
