Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize