its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
