I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
