You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
