You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
