the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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