Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize