That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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