PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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