need another drink. this is the easiest way
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
