sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
