her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
