she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
