I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
