i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
