Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you win again, gameday.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
