The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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