After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
