dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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