dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
