i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
