and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
