Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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