everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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