their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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