so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
