you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
