Cold hands, warm shart.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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