life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
