after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
