you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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