You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The chlamydia really affected his face.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
