Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
