Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
