Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
