Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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