my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
