D3 body, D1 cock
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize