Plan B is the new Plan A
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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