Sry I called you an 8
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
