I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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