nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
