is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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