whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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