this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
babies were throwing up all over the place
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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