he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
