1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
