READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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