This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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