he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
