I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
