Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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