ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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