Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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