he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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