Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
