Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
