You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
