What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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