you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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