He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Someone shattered a urinal.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
