Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
