somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
