why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
