I'm eating all of the evidence.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
