the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
