Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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