Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
