My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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