thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
