You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
