a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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