Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
