i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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