I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize