how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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