Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
